You’re a woman

Oh woman
Why is your shoulder cold
Is the burden too heavy to carry?
Drop ’em off
Lighten up
Free yourself
You aren’t made to carry the world
You are made to take the world.
If your womb feels too heavy do not carry it, it’s your body and it is only you who should decide what to do with it.
Let ’em say
Let ’em judge
You just take the world
With your delicate hands
And your beautiful mind.
If your head feels too heavy and you feel it’s pulling you down
Chop them hair
You don’t need them
Let ’em scream
Let ’em call you names
You just remember yours
Remember that, that name will one day take the world.
If your bra straps are cutting your skin
Take that damn thing off
Do not let anything get into your skin
Remember you don’t want anything to tie you down even if it’s just a bra strap.

No woman is ever less feminine or too feminine
No female is ever less a woman
Not every woman has to be a female
Woman you take the world with you

Do not doubt your ability
Or your capability
Remember
You’re a woman

And you can do anything.

Beautiful Mess

My mind is chaotic, it is filled with;

Information no one requires,

Memories no one wants to go back and visit,

Imaginations which were once a dream,

Ideas no one wants to buy,

Wounds which never healed,

Faces which I no longer remember,

Fears which were never admitted,

Secrets which are still hidden,

Anger which was never projected,

Love which was never demonstrated.
Such chaotic is my mind.

You call it insanity, I say it’s sanctity.
Pure, untouched and unfelt by other human of my kind. A temple of beautiful mess.

 

 

Making love

It’s that time of the night again

I arranged my bed sheet, made sure the hem is perfectly aligned and not wrinkled

Turned off my ceiling lights, and switched on my fairy lights

Lighted a cigarette to create the mood

I sat down with my back against the wall

And my laptop on my lap

As I reached out for my keyboard my hands started to shake, as if it has reached out to a stranger

As if it no longer remembers how to sync my thoughts with my fingers

As if it doesn’t want to

As if it refuses to; Nevertheless I persisted

But this time it was my mind

The moment I placed my hands on my key board my mind refused to function

It refused to declutter all the information I have been storing for a while

As if it doesn’t want to give away

As if it felt like it’s being snatched away

And so, this time again I surrendered myself, and promised to come back only when and if,  I am ready.

You see, just like love-making, one cannot write unless every part of your body and soul is willing to give what takes to make an art.

So, maybe next time I’ll light a scented candle to set the mood.

Free freedom

     Some people are better set free.

Free to discover freedom,

Free to feel the same rain in a different way,

Free to walk alone to learn again to protect themselves,

Free to reunite with themselves,

Let them be free, let me be free.

And tomorrow ‘if’ I come back, I come back stronger to hold onto us.

If I don’t just know that I have found a long-lost lover, with whom I since departed the day I met you.

I have found myself.

Living with a Monster

It’s 9 pm, I am already on my bed but No, I am not going to sleep. I have zillion things going on my head. The monster is still awake. And I can’t fall asleep until it’s 3 am. I woke up at 5 pm, to realize that I’ve been sleeping for 14 hours straight. I have become one with my bed. No amount of pizza or chocolate can pull me out of my bed, a place I have made my home. Where the gravity is strong. 

They told me happiness is a choice, I said okay, I want to be happy as well. Put my favorite dress on, walked into a party. I spoke with everyone ‘yes it was working’. Fifteen minutes later I found myself in a smoking room, No I wasn’t smoking. I was just sitting and thinking about life, like I do everyday in my room, except my room is more comfortable because the monster doesn’t make noise. 

I am afraid of something, I don’t know what and why? Is the monster still awake?  Should I go to sleep? At least I won’t be afraid there. I have been there too many times that now I know how to shoo my fright and sleep with pride.  

Or should I go eat something, I feel empty. Or eat nothing because the monster had grown so big in my head that now it has occupied even my stomach. 

It’s already 3:45 am and  I am looking outside through my window, thinking to myself what have I caught myself in. Why do I not wish to see people with whom I used to find peace. Why do I not find joy in things I used to like to do. Why babies have to grow up to die one day. Why our parents have to die one day. Why can’t things remain the same. Why do I have to think all of this now? 

The monster is growing bigger. It only wants to live on my bed. Should I allow him to live there forever? 

I was never given a choice.

 

To my sisters with love

To,

My 18 and 20 years old sisters.

I know how you feel right now the pressure of constantly proving to people, that you are not ordinary must be eating up your head, the urge to want to do something but what if people say this or that, must be putting you down from doing things you like but let me tell you something, we live in a society (not like we have a choice) and people will have opinion, they will say things which you will not agree but you cannot go to everyone and prove yourself, you cannot make everyone think good of you. what you need to do is stop thinking what people will say or think, the moment you do that you will stop doubting yourself and you will be more confident but remember to stay true to your family, friends and loved ones. 

As you grow older you will come across different life situations and you have no option but to face them, well I do not expect you to be prepared for it because then you will not enjoy the adventures of life but I will give you a small advice on some of the important things which I hope will be of some use.

Friends

You already have made many friends by now, childhood friends, school friends, church friends etc..and you will make many more but do not forget your old friends in the process of making new friends in new places. Many will want to be your friend because they think you’re ‘cool’ or because you’re ‘pretty’ or simply because they like you, be nice to everybody, say thank you for their friendship but choose wisely to whom you want to share your secrets or your feelings because not many will understand but they will pretend to understand and when they fail to do so, it will be you who will be hurt. Never ever, and I say this again never ever try to ‘fit in’. You belong to no one but you and your creator so do not let any third person put you in a position you don’t want to be, or you don’t belong to. You don’t necessarily have to ‘fit in’ to belong somewhere, it is absolutely okay to be a misfit in a world where everybody is trying to fit in. 

Men

The phrase that all men are same is not true, ‘yes’ I repeat it is not true. I have met jerks who do not respect women, who thinks women are commodity, an object to be ‘kept’ and ‘used’ but I have also met wonderful men with whom I will cherish friendship forever. Now it is up to you to choose wisely between the two, not like you will have an option to choose because devil never comes with horns. Most men will be very nice in the beginning they will say ‘yes’ to everything you say, agree even if you’re wrong, laugh at your worse joke because they are needy of you, and once you become vulnerable enough they will start showing their color, after they get what they want they may not agree with all you say, they may not laugh at all your jokes (even if they were genuinely funny) they may become mean all of a sudden, they may start telling you what to do and what not do, they will have so much control over you that you will forget to be yourself, they will drag you so down that you will see no ray of hope from that deep dark hole but that is just a delusion, there will always be people who will still love you no matter who you are, or who you’ve become and that is when you have a choice to walk away from a man who is not helping you grow. And when you decide to do so, remember ‘we’ (loved ones) will always walk beside you so you don’t have to be afraid. Pick yourself up, leave your past behind but do not leave your experience behind take them with you, make them your shield, make new friends, fall in love again, like I said all men are not same and one day may be you will find someone imperfect made perfectly for you, or maybe you will not, then you will realize that you don’t need men to be happy ever after.

Career

I am no one to actually give you advice in this category but like I always says ‘education is important’ and by education I do not mean the answers which you mug up the whole semester and spill out in three hours paper. By education I mean things you actually learn, be it from school/college or from friends, family etc. when I was in 11th standard I read in my Education text-book ‘Education starts from womb and ends at tomb’ and this I witness it to be true, life has its way of teaching us so much everyday, be it from good experiences or bad ones it all has something to teach us, all we have to do is keep our ears wide open and listen to what it has to say. Remember you don’t have to try too hard to do something ‘extraordinary’, what is extraordinary to you may not be extraordinary to someone and vice versa, you don’t have to become a lawyer, an engineer, or a doctor to show your worth. You can be anything you want as long as you utilize your talent and skills into something good. 

Do not forget your roots.

Do not forget people who stood by you when you were at your lowest and ugliest.

Do not forget the mistakes that taught you to be who you are today.

In the midst of all these chaos of life do not forget your creator. Take five minutes of every night to thank him for the life he has given you.

All I want to tell you by writing this is that please do not be afraid. Do do not be afraid to be yourself, do not be afraid to make mistakes, do not be afraid to admit your mistakes, do not be afraid to ask for a help, do not be afraid to close your ears to people who are too loud, do not be afraid to say NO, do not be afraid to experiment.

I haven’t mastered in anything I have said above, I am still as confusing as you are right now but, we can get through these phase of life together.

Your loving sister

( Who is still wandering in law school)